Thanks to getting my self-confidence hammered in by my abusive parents and school bullies, then living in Germany for way too many years, I’ve only recently started learning my way around how to date like a normal person at a ripe age of nearly 30. I’ve been posting my findings in hopes of helping others like me by lifting the veil off the many realities behind dating that are politically incorrect and socially unacceptable to talk about. Here’s what I observed going on dates literally every single week since the new year started.
As a quick side-ramble, I should have finished writing the other story about my dating life back in South East Asia first. That piece would have made a better prelude into this post. But long story short there, ever since I moved back from racist Europe, where I’d be lucky to get even one date a year, to Asia, I’ve realized that I was right all along about the racism.
In Europe, I’m treated like subhuman trash not worthy of getting any dates, and back home, I am a superstar – I’ve been going on several dates a week (meeting up to 5 new people per week) and even when burned out from dating like I was for a period in February, I’m still able to land a dozen matches in a week on dating apps without even trying.
With that out of the way, let’s get into the people I’ve went on dates with, their profile, how it went and what I learned:
- Leg surgery girl – Tentative but would still date her
- Age/job: 27 years old, back office in a bank
- Profile and personality: Local Chinese, looks like a budget version of Karina from the K-pop group Aespa (but still very attractive), flat conversations.
- Dates and current status: 2 dates, 2.5 hours total, in contact, not sure if interested
- Family status: Seems functional, close with parents and grandparents
- How it went: I’m surprised we even met up since she was texting in a style that I hate and makes me assume she’s not interested (mostly one-line answers, questions without conversation making it look like it was an interrogation). I rushed her into my busy schedule since she was due for a surgery and wouldn’t be able to walk for a month after. First date was a boring bog-standard introduction, second date was a brief dinner with also rather boring intro questions.
Wanted to go for a further walk and dessert after that but she declared she was tired after running earlier and went home. I assumed she wasn’t interested but in subsequent conversations, it sounded like she hadn’t written me off as a potential partner. We last texted 2 weeks ago when she said she could meet up again when work becomes less busy.
- What I think: I’m still open to dating her. She’s physically attractive, has a good job, and seems level headed/low conflict. Caveats are she seems to dislike her job and has the potential to be boring and whiny. Looks like material for a stable, content but boring partnership.
- Media industry girl – Friends, but would not date her
- Age/job: 28 years old, works in creative media
- Profile and personality: Local Chinese and has both the looks and personality that remind me of Awkwafina. Very chatty and outgoing.
- Dates and current status: 3 dates, 17 hours total, in contact, friends
- Family status: Dysfunctional; divorced parents, problematic mother
- How it went: We got along very well when texting, exchanging everything from good conversation to memes and references. First met up for lunch at noon and went out all the way till nearly 11pm. We seemed to get along very well with no exhaustion of conversation topics and very even exchanges (50-50). While she’s attractive, her looks are not my cup of tea and after my prior experience (personally and my 2 ex’s), her having a dysfunctional family was a negative.
- What I think: She was definitely into me by the 2nd date – we (or I) got drunk and she tried to get me to make a move on her. But I hadn’t gotten over my ex at the time (and told her that) and didn’t do anything, much to her disappointment, I guess. Her having a pet is also a minus in my book. We get along well otherwise and I’m fine staying friends with her.
- ISP girl – Friends, but would not date her
- Age/job: 25 years old, entry level rotation at ISP
- Profile and personality: China Chinese but very localized personality, average looks but slightly less attractive than her profile photos. Chatty.
- Dates and current status: 2 dates, 6.5 hours total, semi contact, friends
- Family status: Abroad; parents back in China since she went to uni
- How it went: I thought both dates went well, a lot of conversation centered around work and life (interactions with people, how we see work, hobbies, etc). She wanted to meet within a week of the 2nd date but I had a busy weekend (with other dates – didn’t tell her of course). Within the same evening telling her I couldn’t meetup at the time she proposed, she sent a message saying the past weeks had been stressful at her job and she wanted to take time off to work on herself. I thought this was an excuse at first but it does appear to be the case.
- What I think: I was quite neutral about her until that last interaction – I liked that she’s very locally integrated (i.e. it’s hard to tell she’s from China unless she specifically brought it up) and seems like a mature conversationalist for her age. However, that sudden text message was a yellow flag; it came off like she didn’t want to hang out anymore as soon as there was a scheduling conflict and immature if that’s the case. Also gotta say that her fresh entrance into the working world and living with roommates are minor turnoffs for me. We’ve texted occasionally since then.
- Rejection letter girl – Rejected, probably will never be in touch
- Age/job: 26 years old, commercial real estate
- Profile and personality: Looks like your average local Chinese girl. Dressed pretty nice to the date and seemed homely.
- Dates and current status: 1 date, 2.5 hours total, rejected
- Family status: Unknown; we did not touch on family
- How it went: We were texting in large (but not frequent, like every other day) quantities in the 2 weeks prior to meeting up and for the week after. The date, while more engaging with Girl 01, was unremarkable – we went for dinner then dessert. Conversation was neutral, mostly asking questions about each other and talking about local culture. During this first date, we were talking about meeting up again already and were in contact for a week after that.
The day before we were supposed to meet again, she “fell sick” and had to postpone. Later she cited having to get some dental work done and would be on sick leave for half the week, so she was swamped with having to do 5 days’ worth of work in 2. She subsequently read my messages but stopped replying, before sending a text some 2.5 weeks later that she had found someone she “wanted to focus her time and energy on moving forward” and to wish me luck. The whole thing sounded like a rejection letter you get from an unsuccessful job application, which is better than ghosting… but this is a topic we’ll get into separately.
- What I think: I wasn’t super into her and at the time I was basking in the really high number of dates I was getting per week so I really didn’t think much of her going silent for 2.5 weeks. I would have dated her on the basis she came off as mild (read: almost boring but drama-free), loved cooking and baking (a plus) and it seemed we had plenty to talk about. I did not like that she didn’t seem very athletically inclined (despite having a slim figure).
Her later behavior were off-putting yellow flags – I couldn’t figure and will never know if she was actually sick that week or was trying to buy time to consider other guys. Over a month later, after asking her a few questions about profiles on dating apps (since she had sent the rejection letter anyway, I had nothing to lose), she was quick to unmatch me on the app where we had met – I found this odd seeing she was supposedly investing in the “someone” she had found a month before. Seeing we had already exchanged contacts (so why nuke the chat on the dating app?), I speculate her guy didn’t work out, she went back on the dating apps but didn’t want me checking on her updated profile.
- Near monopoly startup girl – Ghosted
- Age/job: 26 years old, data analyst at a local startup that’s become a near monopoly in the region
- Profile and personality: China Chinese, moved abroad and back again, less attractive than her profile photos depicted
- Dates and current status: 1 date, 4 hours total, ghosted
- Family status: Abroad; she moved to the region from China for boarding school
- How it went: The conversation mostly centered around work and startups, which took on a heavy turn when we started talking about monopolistic behavior of corporations, employee rights (and my famous story about getting fired twice in Germany), overworking, etc. Still, it was still a smooth chat. We also managed to touch on other topics like family, university/education, and hobbies.
- What I think: While I had decided that I wasn’t into her very quickly into the first meetup – I didn’t find her physically attractive (and she was far less so than her photos had depicted), she wanted to move abroad in the future and the topics were on the heavy side for me too, I thought we had a good conversation and that we would remain in contact as friends or something. She pretty much entertained me for about 2 replies after the meet and ghosted from there.
- Aviation girl – Tentative, I’m undecided
- Age/job: 28 years old, aviation industry
- Profile and personality: Local Chinese, somewhat attractive, decent conversations
- Dates and current status: 2 dates, 6.5 hours total, in contact, not sure if interested
- Family status: Dysfunctional; brought up by relatives, parents split up at a young age, father became deceased shortly after
- How it went: The first thing when we met, she thanked me for not showing up in shorts and slippers, which is apparently what the previous 2 guys she met showed up in. First date was alright – she spent most of the time talking (which is something new to me, since I’m the one who tends to talk a lot, the convo split was 30-70) about her career and how she landed in her current industry from working in a marketing agency. I thought she was friendly and seemed nice.Second date was 3 weeks later, where the convo split was more even 50-50, but was decidedly a bit less smooth than the first, in my opinion. We went for dessert where we basically opened up about each other’s less-than-perfect family backgrounds.
- What I think: I thought she was fairly attractive in the first date – tad taller than your average girl and with an athletic build – but less so during the second. Maybe the lack of makeup? The fact she wore glasses? I’m not sure. We seem to get along fine, there’s a decent amount of convo we seem to be able to sustain. I don’t know her industry well but it would seem she’s doing fine in her career and she gives the impression that her crappy family background didn’t affect her too much – both are pluses.
I thought she had ghosted after her replies dropped off following the second date, but it’s been a month and I recently texted her – apparently she fell sick for a week and had been swamped with work. While that may be true, her lack of replies might hint she’s not that interested in me. On my end, she’ll make a good friend for sure, but partner? I’m still not too clear on that either.
I met 24 new people on dates in Q1 2021 and, despite my efforts at summarizing each person, things are still looking verbose. So I’m going to split this into a 4 part series, with an additional post talking about what I’ve learned by going out with all these people. So stay tuned for that.